“To give a man too much reassurance too soon is the same as over watering a plant. It kills it.” -Sherry Argov

Well that was a bit too close to home.

I got to reunite with my good friends last night, we all knew that we have a lot of catching up to do and we really had a good time just chatting and chatting. I had a very good time, I swear. Not until I’m on my way home, a sudden influx of questions and frustrations came. Can you imagine that with less than 5 minutes of trike ride, a gazillion (well that was exaggerated) of thoughts popped into my mind? That’s the power of the enemy.

Lately I’ve been dealing with these thoughts and the enemy is really taking advantage of my vulnerability. Frustrations. I quote A Fine Frenzy’s Almost Lover, “Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?” I am blaming myself again. For allowing someone to just easily break the walls I’ve tried so hard to build. For allowing these things to happen again. For me being so vulnerable. Questions. Maybe I’m just over reacting? Maybe I was a bit demanding? Maybe I just didn’t get the picture right? Maybe I was wrong after all?

I actually have no words left to tell more about this so let’s just move on to the realizations part. Haha.

Our previous series in church (which has ended two Sundays ago) was Passionate Pursuits. The third part of the series struck me. Close to home (I love that idiom). The preaching focused on Exodus chapters 13 and 14, about the Israelites crossing the sea.

“I will pursue God’s purposeful path.” These were the key points for that day:

  • I will pursue God’s purposeful path not for easy but for glory. Even if the path I’m taking is too long, rest assured that through this path, I will find His glory.
  • I will pursue God’s purposeful path knowing that my past pursues me too. There were times when the problems and sins of the past haunt me again, not to mention what I said earlier. I thought I was over it, and then I get terrified. I tend to question God and think that my life was so much better and easier before I decided to follow Him, before He asked me to take this path.
  • I will pursue God’s path still on the inside yet moving on the outside. I have to keep taking those steps, even if they’re small baby steps, I have to move forward. I can’t just stand here and be still, I have to do the move as well.
  • I will pursue God’s purposeful path trusting Him even when I don’t see Him. There are times when God will allow us to strengthen our faith by ourselves, to be assured of moving forward even if we cannot see Him. I have to believe in my heart that He is working on the things I cannot do, fighting the battles I cannot face. Behind the scenes as they say.

The path towards God is narrow & difficult. We ask, why? And how can we be so passionate for a path that’s difficult? God is preparing us in the long path for us to win the battles that require us to receive His abundant blessings. Shortcuts can catch us off guard.

Yes, shortcuts, what comes easy won’t last. I felt the sinking feeling in my heart again but the Lord is just too awesome that He knows what to say to enlighten me. I came across a Facebook post reminding me of His promises. It goes like this: You say, “I can’t go on.” God says, “My grace is sufficient.” You say, “I can’t manage.” God says, “I will supply all your needs.”

I then came to the point where I realized that I am God’s princess, a princess who deserves more than a boy who doesn’t even care about me and my feelings. I knew I had to let this go because it is taking away the joy that I deserve. Deep in my heart I find it hard to do, but I know that by His grace, I can. Who knows what’ll happen after, right? I may not understand His will, but soon I will. I believe that He is taking care of my past for me, I just have to keep moving forward.